2012

Music in my head: Camel- Chord Change
Today's weather: Uber-cool.

2012, we all fall down. Prophesies of everything from worldwide tidal waves and mass genocide to the earth flipping over and Santa in shorts indicate 2012 as a turning point in the history of mankind. Whatever they’re calling it, Apocalypse, Armageddon, Judgment Day, Rapture, it’s about as probable as the proverbial squeezing of toothpaste back into its tube. For the anti-skeptics who steadfastly hold on to the pearls of wisdom from the Mayans, Sumerians and 1930s Sci-fi authors (it is ridiculous that I have to even write this) there is irrefutable historical and scientific proof to the contrary.
Theories supporting the 2012 apocalypse are six of one and half a dozen, and they are based on several old-school Greco-roman prophesies and pseudo-scientific speculation on endless internet forums. A simple google search will show that the most talked about of these theories are the Mayan doomsday calendar and the Sumerian Planet-X or Nibiru. Internet folklore has it that the Mayan Calendar will complete its 5125 year long cycle on 21st December, 2012 bringing the world to an end. How? Well, this is answered by the Sumerian prophecy of a mysterious Planet-X, or Nibiru, that either collides with earth or passes close enough to cause calamitous gravitational effects such as tidal waves and earthquakes. Apocalypse was predicted to be as early as 1792, revised subsequently to 1844, 1918, 1925, 1941, 1975, 1984, 1988, 1994, 2000, 2003, 2005 and now 2012 by persons and groups ranging from Nostradamus to the Seventh Day Adventists. All the forums are, of course, silent as to where they got this information from- simply because they are all made up. A group of internet junkies are probably guzzling beer this very moment, marveling their own ingenuity at having created the latest internet fad.
The Mayans and the Sunmerians have given a lot to modern humanity- the Sumer pioneered agriculture and irrigation, but their knowledge of astronomy was limited to predicting sunrise and sunset. But people continue to discuss it at forums that make millions, and make movies that, surprise surprise, make millions. The quintessential human appetite for conspiracy theories, a fear of the great unknown, cosmophobia, today’s internet boom, and a chance to escape from the banality of everyday life are what fuel this fire. If you are reading this, especially all the people who have packed their bags and waiting to get vaporized in 2012, I regret to inform you that a black cat will cross your path in three hours and four minutes, and your car will breakdown during rush hour, which will result in deafness by honking horns. Let’s see if they start a forum for that.